That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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