ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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