Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's blow job season.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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