I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Boobs are out for the taking
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
