Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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