I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All the doctor said was why
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
