So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
