I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
