Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have fence marks all over my body
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
