Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
