He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
