we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we made out on top of his cat.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
