The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
