just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
