woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
