Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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