He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need to sanitize my soul.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
