I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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