i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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