one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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