whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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