Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
