you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
