Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
