Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
