I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
