I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
