im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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