Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
