it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I believe in your delicious
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
