he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
