I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
