i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
