i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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