my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
