I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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