plz talk dirty to me
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
