Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
