speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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