He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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