Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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