I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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