For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
