is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
