did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
