This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
