Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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