I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Randomize
