Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
