I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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