No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
