well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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