I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
