i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
