I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
how does that bad decision feel?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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