I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
