I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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